Maybe you’ve seen it already, and maybe you haven’t?
Our family made the front page of the New York Times, in a story about health care sharing ministries. Sweet little Blake’s face was there beside the overgrown zinnias growing at the fence in our front yard. His Dad’s chest, strong and protective, just behind him.
The story made its way to the Raleigh News & Observer and the Charlotte paper as well.
And how did we feel about it?
Well… not so great.
The story in the paper wasn’t really our story. Our requests weren’t respected and our comments weren’t really included. Instead, there were just a few snippets of our health care journey interspersed with lots of stories about health care “ministries” that weren’t keeping their end of the bargain. That wasn’t our experience with our health care sharing ministry. We didn’t get duped. There were no wizards laughing behind curtains. We have a different story to tell.
But you know what? Those words you’ve read up there are all the words I’m going to give to that story right now. Because maybe we’ll get the chance to talk more about our real story and maybe we won’t — but I have a better story to share with you today.
This year I decided to stop crossing off my old-fashioned daily Bible reading in favor of trying out the Read Scripture app on my phone. So far, I’ve loved it. It has encouraged me to get into the Word — because I’m consistently reminded it’s right there in my hand. The videos that help pull out themes and draw a bigger picture are incredibly insightful and so thoughtfully well done. I love them. But the most important part is that God has met me, right there on that little screen.
When the aforementioned story went live on January 2nd?
We felt pretty hurt and pretty discouraged.
But I opened that beautiful little app that morning and these words met me instead:
Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the Lord and against his Anointed…
He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision…
{and this beautiful Psalm concludes…}
Blessed are all who take refuge in him.
{Psalm 2: 1-2, 4, 12b}
When a few rude comments began to appear and the hurtful words stung a bit like the darts of the enemy, I found refuge in God. And it brought such a big joy to my heart to read these seven words:
He who sits in the heavens laughs.
And I started really thinking about that. God isn’t sinister or sarcastic. There is no wickedness in Him. So that’s not a cackle or a muahh ha ha ha… I started wondering if is a bit like a Father watching His children. Does He see our mess and does He laugh because we feel these small things are so important?
Have I ever laughed because one of my children came to me, desperately offended because of a silly comment? “He says my plate is pink… but it’s PURPLE!!” “I drew a cow but she called it a CAT!”
Oh yes.
If God sits on His throne and laughs — maybe He wants to remind me not to take things too seriously. And on January 2nd, I opened that App, read those words, and got reminded right when I needed it.
By January 3rd, I was itching with hurt again. The offended toddler, hurt by the other toddlers and their opinions of me. When you’re in the news and the article gets 1100 comments, it feels BIG.
And on January 3rd, Psalm 3 whispered to my soul:
O Lord, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me; many are saying of my soul, “There is no salvation for him in God.” But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head…
{Psalm 3:1-3}
God lifted my head and reminded me of the bigger story He is writing. He reminded me that His wisdom really is seen as foolishness to the world.
And He spoke to my heart again on January 4th:
“But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord hears when I call to him. Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts and on your beds, and be silent.” {Ps. 4: 3-4}
In this whirlwind of a week, these were the words that mattered. Not the words of reporters with stories to tell. Not the words of commenters with judgements and opinions. I needed to extend forgiveness. I needed to let go before any bitterness took root in my own soul. Day after day, Mark and I truly marveled together, as it felt like these words written thousands of years ago were destined to speak to us in January of 2020.
These were the words that were a lamp to our feet and a light to our paths. With these words, God was a shield to us, our glory and the lifter of our heads.
Welcome to 2020, friends. If it is going to be anything, perhaps it is going to be unpredictable. I pray you’ll allow the Lord to meet you in His Word this year. The Read Scripture App is a free and wonderful way to engage with the Word. There are so many other plans and tools out there, waiting to help you find your way into a deeper relationship with God and His Word.
No matter what words the world might have for you this year, friend, there are no accolades more wonderful than the Truth that you are a loved and valued child of God. And there are no darts of the enemy so fierce that they can pierce the Truth of your identity as a child of the King.
Like the Wemmicks in Eli’s Workshop, we are the best version of ourselves when we let all the dots fall off — and let the Word of the Carpenter who created us be our whole Truth.
We are so blessed that so many folks continue to ask about the beautiful story that we love to tell: the miracle of our sweet Blake and his journey! He continues to improve in so many ways — to the point that we think his days in physical, speech and occupational therapy are most likely numbered. He is running and jumping and playing and reading and always surprising us with what he’s capable of. We’re also so grateful to say that his memory is still improving! He still has moments where he asks a question he asked thirty seconds ago, but he is remembering so much more, and so much more quickly, those things stored in that short term memory bank. And (like each of our kids) he continues to amaze us at remembering things before his accident that our old brains have completely forgotten!
There is one specific request that we would love to ask you to continue to pray for, perhaps as you’re writing down the date this year? We have not seen improvement in Blake’s left field of vision… yet. We are pondering at the significance of the year 2020 — and praying specifically for our sweet boy, and for full, restored 20/20 vision for him this year. He is learning to adapt to some extent, but he is still walking into cabinets, hitting the corners of counters as he stands up from petting the puppy, or bumping into doors as he passes from one room to the next. When he gets hurt it’s pretty heart wrenching — but he continues to amaze us with how he takes everything in stride. Two hour eye exams, long car trips, and everything that has happened since September 1st… we keep waiting for something to phase him, but he seems so peaceful. What a gift that is!
Blake also continues to make deep and meaningful comments. He simultaneously seems like a silly eight-year-old boy who loves potty humor and an old soul who will slip his hand into mine on a walk around the neighborhood and comment about needing more of God. Thank you so much for praying for this precious boy of ours. We are in awe as we watch God’s story in him continue to unfold. Hallelujah!
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He stopped the radio on 107.9 FM. Oldies were playing. Not just any oldies — “Beach Music” — the kind of music my Dad listened to for decade upon decade. The music that transports me back to salty sea air, sandy feet and tangled hair, the gush of air conditioning that hits you when you open the door of the condo. My Dad at the grill, chicken wings whistling and crackling (and mysteriously disappearing) and me fetching one more Miller Light with a lime for the grillmaster.
My eleven year old, scanning through radio stations stopped when he heard that old-fashioned music and started dancing along from the passenger seat of the car.
I wondered if it was embedded in him somehow — even though we lost my Dad when he was just four, is the music in there somewhere?
I couldn’t stop smiling, thinking about it.
Until someone threw a diaper from the backseat and I had to turn off the music and start a lecture about the dangers of throwing things at the driver.
Sometimes saying goodbye to a year that has passed feels a bit like saying goodbye to a person who meant a whole lot to you. It’s grief on a much smaller scale, but still it’s grief.
Maybe you didn’t achieve what you’d dreamed. Maybe this was the year you would _________ but _________ just didn’t happen.
The truth is we don’t exactly wave goodbye to the years we live — it’s more like we take them with us. They are a part of us, maybe they’ve built us, maybe they’ve broken us. Probably both. But surely we’ve grown in understanding, hopefully in wisdom because these past 365 days are a part of our story.
The music isn’t gone. Even if we don’t remember every moment in our minds, our souls still bear the weight of the stories.
As the final moments of this year have their time on the stage, I’m trying to focus on two thoughts to frame the road ahead.
More Gentle
I typically find myself at the end of a year regretting what I hoped to accomplish but didn’t, while I fail to celebrate what I did accomplish. I can’t count how many home-cooked meals I served my family this year, but I know it was often six or seven days a week. I think that’s something worth celebrating. How many times did I smile at a stranger or offer a kind word? I hope a lot and can think of at least a few — that is time well spent. I began to write consistently this year and offered a word of encouragement in this space on a weekly basis. That’s something worth celebrating.
Instead of looking for reasons to rake myself over the coals, I’m thinking about things I can count as blessings. We read sooooo many library books together. We prayed at bedtime together — all six of us — almost without fail, except for those months when Blake was in the hospital.
It’s a new kind of joy, and you might find it, too, if you worry less about the number of the scale and instead celebrate the walks you took with a friend. Or if (like me) you didn’t beat last year’s goal for the number of books you read (I tied!) — instead you can celebrate, I read 25 books this year!
Be gentle with yourself. Look for reasons to celebrate. Yes, make mental notes about the things you aren’t celebrating, but still, find the reasons to celebrate. You showed up when that friend needed you. Other than a sick day here and a vacation there, you were faithful at work. You fed your family or watered your garden or kept some plants alive. (Maybe all three… go, you!)
Celebrate the wins!
More Firm
This week I read these words that challenged me deeply in thinking about the year ahead:
“If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” {Essentialism, Greg McKeown} I didn’t like the idea that someone else could tell me what was important to me, but I realize that there are times when I say yes to things I should say no to, because we cannot have it all and we cannot do it all.
Every yes is also a no.
And I want to carefully consider the things about this 365 days that I don’t want to celebrate. Were there times when I let others’ expectations define my priorities for me — at the expense of myself, my family and what I believe is truly important?
If I am always trying to do and do and do and always feeling like I haven’t done enough, then my expectations for myself — and the ones I’m placing on myself because they are the expectations of others — are probably the culprit.
If overwhelm is our ‘normal’ we are perhaps trying to do more than God has given us to do. I do not want an excuse for laziness, but I do want to accept the invitation to slow down and be in step with the Holy Spirit. And I cannot travel in a flurry of activity, flitting from one task to the next, and still hear His voice clearly. Maybe you’re like me?
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with my eye. Do not be like the horse or like the mule, Which have no understanding, Which must be harnessed with bit and bridle, Else they will not come near you.
{Psalm 32:8-9}
If we’re like the horse, we’re trying to run ahead, and if we’re like the mule, we’re lagging behind and needing the encouragement to keep up. Either way, God’s promise is the same: “I will instruct you. I’ll teach you the way you should go. I’ll guide you. You’ll look at me and see the way forward.”
What is necessary to carve out the space to listen and to hear and to choose wisely how to live the days you have in front of you?
More firm. Committing to be more slow with your yes, more careful with your time, more eager to discern those “good” things that lead us away from the best.
If we want to live a life led by the Holy Spirit, we will have to spend time with Him. If we want to live a life where the most important things take the center stage, we have to know what those most important things are and plan our lives and calendars accordingly.
No one gets to the end of their year, or their life and thinks, “Gosh, I really wish I’d spent more time doing all the secondary, non-important things other people expected me to do.”
As you reflect on the year that has passed and prepare for the year to come, be gentle with yourself and celebrate the wins. And be firm in your resolve to listen to what doesn’t feel like a win, and consider where more ‘no’s’ might have created opportunities for better yeses.
Annie Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
So instead of getting overwhelmed with setting a couple of big resolutions to steer us into a New Year, perhaps we need to get quiet and look for the clues in our soul about the little changes that could make the biggest differences. Even with a whole new year unfolding in front us, we will still have to live it one week, one day, one moment at a time.
The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman (I’ve shared this one already, but gosh, I so appreciated the gentle self-care, the pastoral coaching of this book as it relates to decision making. Freeman expressed specific things I’ve actually LIVED and put words to things I couldn’t. If you have big decisions ahead this year, please grab this one!)
And, with love, from here… perhaps just a little extra love for your January 1st? This is a fan favorite from the Archives to wish you a Happy New Year: Happy New Year, Love God.
One last thought? If you subscribe to receive weekly Love, From Here, I’ll do a happy dance, and you’ll get encouraging words in your inbox every week along with my Five Steps to a Fantastic Meal Plan System! If you’d like to live this year more encouraged, and make a plan for your kitchen, this is definitely a win/win!
Some posts on my site contain affiliate links. When you click on those links to make purchases, I receive compensation at no extra cost to you. I love it when you do that! Thank you for supporting With Love!
If I had planned the life and times of the Savior of the World, it would have started in a big city with loads of opportunity for publicity and rubbing shoulders with wealthy and influential people.
If I planned His birth, it would have been a big event, foretold to the masses so that thousands were witnesses to the Incarnation unfolding.
If I selected the family for a Savior, He would have had privileges and power and a platform from which to present His message to the world.
If I mapped out those early years, Jesus would have been a baby genius — the child prodigy everyone knew about, right from the start, waiting to see what He would do next.
If I were the author of the story of His ministry, for decades upon decades Jesus would have traveled far and wide to preach and to teach to ears all over the world… big stages and bright lights would have been His to command.
If I scripted the story of the Rabbi Jesus Christ during His ministry, He would have chosen hundreds of disciples to follow Him, up close and personal, listening to His teachings.
If I wrote the story of His victory, He would have taken the throne His disciples wanted Him to take, overthrowing the oppression of Rome and ushering Israel to a new era of political glory.
Instead of the big city, God chose humble Bethlehem, the “House of Bread” — a small place for the beginnings of the Bread of Life.
Instead of the big event, God chose to reveal the story of His birth to humble Shepherds on nearby hillsides — the Good Shepherd would be revealed first to His own kind.
Instead of the influential family, God chose a carpenter for a father and a humble young girl for a mother — the building of a never-ending kingdom required a different kind of skill.
Instead of the child prodigy, His story began with a flight to the anonymity of Egypt to protect the life of the One who is the Resurrection and the Life.
Instead of the decades of famous ministry, God ordained a three year preaching circuit, visiting the same towns and perhaps never traveling more than two hundred miles from His hometown. The Light of the World never needed the lights of the world to demonstrate His brilliance.
Instead of the hundreds of disciples, God chose just twelve, knowing one of the twelve would betray Him. Once the Way began to show the world the Way, He lit a fire on enlightenment that would never stop burning.
Instead of the powerful ruler on His glorious throne, God chose the victory of the cross — where death would be defeated by the King of Kings whose Kingdom is not of this world.
I would ask for horses. He would ride a donkey.
I would ask for servants. He would become a servant and wash feet.
I would ask for a palace, He would choose the cross on the hill.
For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of His government and peace There will be no end, Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom, To order it and establish it with judgment and justice From that time forward, even forever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this. {Isaiah 9:6-7}
From the manger on the outskirts of Bethlehem to the cross outside Jerusalem, Jesus lived a story that is precisely marked by the fact that He chose none of the things we would choose if we set out to change the world.
If His life were a marketing campaign, He chose the least lucrative potential target audience. If His life were a political campaign, He chose the wrong kind of social capital, the least influential associates and allies. If His Life, Death and Resurrection were on trial in a courtroom, He chose all the wrong witnesses.
What does the world really need? What do you and I truly need? What is the solution to all our problems, the answer to all our questions, the peace to overcome our every fear?
Only an upside-down kind of Love could turn the world upside down… and ignore every strategy the world’s greatest thinkers might have employed in the process. Jesus is the King who refuses a throne… and then reigns forever.
And His is the different kind of story that none of us would have written but all of us most deeply need to know and to follow. He is the answer to our deepest longings.
He sheds Light, the truest Light on all the dark and the sadness and the hurt and the badness in our world. He is the Light that says, “I see you. In the darkest places where you are hurting most, I see because I am Emmanuel. I am not simply watching over you — I am with you. I have come, I do come, I will come again. I will not leave you as orphans here. These earthly troubles will vanish for all eternity when I come again. My Light shines in this darkness — and the darkness will not overcome it.”
Glory to God in the Highest! He has come to us. He does come to us in the darkest nights and the hardest places. He will come again!
Hallelujah again and again, and Merry Christmas!
xCC
From our family to yours, we wish you a wonderfully Merry Christmas. Friends, we cannot thank you enough for your love, your prayers and your support through this incredibly challenging season in our lives. Jesus has come and He does come, and so often He has come to us through His brothers and His sisters, His hands and His feet, His people, in this season. We cannot fully express our gratitude. We pray He will come to you this Christmas, that His Light will shine in the darkness of any hard place or hurt you are facing, that His Love will speak Truth into your soul. The best story ever written hasn’t stopped being written — and it just gets better and better.
We love you! Mark, Caroline, Arabella (7), Asher (11), Blake (8) and Catriana (4)
Every year for the past four or five years, Mark and I have asked ourselves the same question. At least once a year, we spend a few hours deep in conversation, do a lot of research, and even interview friends who’ve already made the decision we’re considering. And every year for the past four or five years, we’ve come to the same conclusion:
Nope, we are not ready for a dog.
The kids would love to have one… but will they care for it?
There was a baby in diapers. Did we really need more poop to deal with?
When we travel to visit family in South Africa… what about the dog??
Four kids. The oldest is only 8… Nine… Ten… It seemed like a no-brainer:
Nope, we are not ready for a dog.
But this year, everything seemed different. No one is in diapers. Our eldest is eleven and can definitely handle responsibility. For the next year or so, we will not be traveling overseas or even traveling much inside the U.S.
So when a kid in a hospital bed who’s just woken up from a coma asks for a dog, and his brother says that’s the ONLY ONLY ONLY thing he wants for Christmas… and you can’t blame diapers or travel or irresponsibility?
You get a dog.
Come, Thou long expected Jesus Born to set Thy people free; From our fears and sins release us, Let us find our rest in Thee. Israel’s strength and consolation, Hope of all the earth Thou art; Dear desire of every nation, Joy of every longing heart.
{Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus, Charles Wesley, 1744}
Last week our family welcomed a tiny little golden retriever fur ball into the mix. And if you know our story, or even have the faintest hint of Blake’s story from September onward, you might be able to guess what we named her.
Got it yet?
Hallelujah.
“Halle” for short.
That word we’ve said over and over again so many times in the past few months? It means “God be praised.” And we have so many reasons to say “God, be praised.” We love the thought that we are declaring that praise again and again, just calling a dog to come inside.
One observation I’ve pondered this week is how the “Long Expected Jesus” we sing to is often so unexpected in the ways He chooses to move.
Who thought the Savior of the World would be born in a stable to an unwed mother? Who expected the story of our rescue to quietly begin in a quiet manger… with a birth marked so significantly exactly because it would have at first seemed so… insignificant. So insignificant no one had room for it. Who had an interest in the uncomfortable story?
And yet, Jesus didn’t become more expected or predictable with time. He spoke a word to heal this man, but made a mudpie to heal that one. While everyone waited for Him to take a throne and rule, He knelt to wash feet, He led when He served.
God be praised! He is unlike anyone the world has ever known!
If we’re willing to slow down and to look, I think we will find Him this Christmas not so much in the familiar trappings of the places we’ve looked before. I think we’ll find Him most in the unexpected places. He is working and He is moving… and He makes all things new.
As we’ve begun this new journey with this newest little family member, God be praised — He has shown up in unexpected ways to teach me unexpected things.
It is just like Jesus, isn’t it? That you are certain you are giving a gift, and instead discover you’re receiving one, too.
Remember a couple of weeks ago when I shared that post about learning to do the next thing? I experienced a fresh little measure of “overwhelm” after bringing Hallelujah home. Getting up in the night (so reminiscent of the early days with each of our kids) had me a little tired and a little worried, not knowing how long of a journey we’d signed up for. (Meaning, when would I not need to take the puppy out to potty every two hours.)
Things quickly calmed down (fortunately!) but in those first few days, I realized the best place to exercise the principle of “Do the Next Thing” is really when you have so many things to do you feel discouraged or overwhelmed. The beauty of concentrating on doing the next thing reminded me that I did not have to worry about what I would do if this was still a struggle on my plate in six weeks. I only needed to trust God for the grace to get up right then, throw on that coat and those rain boots, and take the dog out right then. When the next time came, I could trust God for the grace for that, too.
Choosing hard paths so often births unexpected fruit. We knew this wouldn’t be easy, but we’ve watched our eldest quickly rise to accept responsibility. At the end of a long, hard road this year, somehow adding a complicated new family member is bringing about joy and gratitude and mutual affection and … dare I say it, maybe even a little bit more peace?
That really is just like Jesus — He gives gifts that come in very unexpected packages. He became a gift in a way no one expected, in a place where no one was looking, at a time when other things seemed to be on everyone’s mind.
And yet He is the gift everyone needs, and He is the gift that comes looking for us, and He is the gift that comes right on time.
So God be praised, we aren’t stopping anytime soon… He is worthy, and He is good, and we will keep on Raising a Hallelujah!
We are so blessed that so many folks are continuing to ask how Blake is doing with so much love and care and concern. We’re so delighted to report that he is doing incredibly well. He seems more and more like his ‘old self’ all the time, and yet there continue to be these deeper thoughts and deeper questions that come to the surface at least a few times each and every day.
Blake continues to giggle lots and often. He seems to just want to laugh so much — and when he does it seems like he’s laughing from head to toe. He continues to love going to therapy so much. His short term memory is still a struggle (but shows more signs of improvement) and so he often asks “Is tomorrow a therapy day?” and is always delighted when the answer is “Yes!”
It is a joy to see him outside running around with his siblings or laughing with the puppy. He thanks us for Halle on a daily basis and his eyebrows scrunch up in the sweetest way — to the point that he almost looks like he’s in pain — he just finds her so overwhelmingly adorable.
We are not sure there has been an improvement in Blake’s eyesight, but we are seeing him adapting well. He still gets started a good bit, but he is also learning to turn to look more carefully, and he is bumping into things less than before.
We’d be grateful if you would continue to join us in praying 1) for the complete disappearance of Blake’s AVM, 2) for the complete healing of Blake’s eyesight and 3) for the total restoration of Blake’s short term memory. It is such a joy to look at our walking, talking miracle every day, friends. We continue to feel so grateful for all you who prayed and prayed and prayed and raised Hallelujahs for Blake. We love telling him how much he was prayed for and reflecting on the goodness of the God who heard and answered those prayers! God be praised — Hallelujah!!!
Maybe it’s a tad dramatic to say I dreaded the conversation. But it did kind of put my stomach in knots and make me want to look at the ceiling and take a few deep breaths.
It’s just… I was so sure I knew how she’d respond. And I didn’t like thinking about that.
You see, when everything went upside-down and I had a kiddo in the ICU, a very dear, very sweet, very qualified friend of mine took over a responsibility that I had committed to in our homeschool community. And not a small responsibility either… weekly tutoring a language, grammar and writing class that required preparation and planning and time.
Once the fog began to settle and our whole family was under the same roof again, I slowly, carefully tiptoed back to the dear homeschool community that supported our family, cared for our children and loved us in a million ways, big and small, through our difficult journey. It was hard to figure out what moving forward looked like.
We felt so welcomed and loved. When I asked the other Moms to sort of prepare their kiddos and maybe try not to overwhelm Blake, they heard and responded. Blake was so gently and lovingly cared for. What a relief!
Eventually, the question came up: When might you start back? When might you start tutoring that class?
And suddenly, my heart felt like a really heavy rock. Like the rock they tied to Aladdin when they wanted him to sink to the bottom of the river. Sink-to-the-bottom heavy.
At home, I began processing the idea. And “yes, I guess maybe I should ” floated through my mind. And “perhaps after Christmas break.” And, “I did commit to it, I should follow through.”
But with each of those thoughts, the rock just felt heavier and heavier. Thinking about it for too long made me want to cry. Can I do that and still focus on the kiddos at home? And keep learning how to help Blake continue to make progress?
So I needed to talk to my sweet friend and ask: How is it going? Is it awful? Are you dying for me to come back so you can stop carrying that responsibility?
I thought perhaps she was avoiding the conversation because she didn’t want to put any pressure on me to start back, even though she was SO ready to be done.
And I felt like I could already answer for her:Yes, I’m tired and I don’t want to be doing this job right now, and please, when are you starting back?
A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water,
But a man of understanding draws it out.
{Proverbs 20:5}
Here’s something I should’ve learned by now but obviously haven’t: You cannot know for sure what another person is thinking or feeling until you ask. The things going on in a person’s heart? They’re like deep waters. It takes time to dive down and see what’s there.
In a moment that seemed like happenstance, but was clearly the goodness of the Lord, we had the perfect opportunity to have a conversation about how things were going.
I have a feeling you know what I found out.
She was NOT dying for me to come back. She was enjoying the class. She was having fun. She was willing to help for the whole year, knowing what our family has been through and that it would take time to recover. She was even looking ahead to next semester and wanting to begin preparing for one of the fun events towards the end of the school year, but (GET THIS!!) she was worried that I might be feeling like she was trying to control everything!
Can you even?
I’m at one end of the line, biting my nails over a conversation I don’t want to have because I’m completely sure she feels like this, (and I’m way off) and she is at the other end, yes, trying to be careful not to make me feel any pressure, but also secretly worried that she’s caused offense!
I was so grateful God brought us together for that conversation — and suddenly the very heavy rock inside my chest miraculously disappeared. And I cried anyway.
So here’s a question that holds a lesson for all of us.
Are you convincing yourself that someone thinks this or feels thatwithout anything but the evidence you’re compiling in your own brain based on what you are thinking they’re thinking?
Are you perhaps having conversations (maybe even arguments) in your head? And you’re thinking what you’ll say, how the other person will respond, what you’ll say next in response to that?
A wise friend of mine once counseled me before Mark and I married:
Don’t have a fight in your head, because it’s not a fair fight.
Instead, we have to do ourselves a favor and ask questions. They can’t be leading questions, either. We have to ask honest questions that give the other person a chance to say how they honestly feel without being told a) how we think they feel or b) how we think they should feel.
When we make assumptions about what other people think or how they feel, we can be angry with them for a fight that never happened — because it just happened in our heads. Or we can feel hurt for something we think they believe about us or about something that matters to us — but once again, they haven’t said that and we’re only basing our hurt on our own perceptions of reality.
When we build a notion on our assumptions about someone else’s thoughts or heart, we are building sand castles too close to the water, or stepping onto a tight rope above shaky ground. The best way to find out what someone else is thinking is to ask questions that don’t lead or push or corral someone toward one camp or another. Then we can move forward with making plans or finding solutions, standing on solid ground.
This funny little surprise interaction with my friend was a fantastic reminder of a bigger life principle that I want to nestle into my heart and hold onto:
Start a real, good old-fashioned face-to-face conversation. That’s the absolute best way to know for sure what someone else is thinking.
This evening we read our Christmas devotional as a family. The title was “Surprise Gifts” and the story was about Joseph, his famous colorful coat, his mistreatment by his brothers, and his eventual realization that what had been intended for evil, God worked together for good. As Blake brought me his carefully colored ornament, he said, “It is like the story. The devil meant my eyesight problems and what happened in my brain for evil, but God worked it out for good.” {I later discovered he and his Dad had had a little conversation about how God worked out his brain surgery for good.} He followed that up with a comment about how he didn’t need to color around the edges of his picture in order to see the whole thing. And lo and behold, the picture was colored, all the way to the left, all the way to the right and all in between.
Blake continues to show signs of physical improvement, but I sometimes wonder if the most important things aren’t perhaps happening in the unseen places of the heart. Blake’s heart, our hearts, and the other hearts who’ve been touched by his story, too. He is taking his Math lessons one problem at a time and he is managing to process and retain information with more and more precision and accuracy. (A friend at church taught him “Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers” and he memorized and repeated back the whole tongue twister almost perfectly in one sitting!)
We continue to pray (and hope you will join us) for Blake’s eyesight to improve, his memory to continue to strengthen (and how glorious it is to see those prayers are being answered!) and for the complete disappearance of his AVM. What a joy it is to say Hallelujah! We are so grateful at the Collie house these days — with four children coloring ornaments at the coffee table and four stockings hanging by the chimney. God has been so good to us!
Did you catch this post with some of our family’s favorite children’s books this year? {If you’re thinking of putting books under the tree, it might help!}
Some posts on my site contain affiliate links. When you click on those links to make purchases, I receive compensation at no extra cost to you. I love it when you do that! Thank you for supporting With Love!
I never knew two thick and lovely slices of black cardstock paper could solve problems that seemed insurmountable. I also never realized what a hard time I have with making decisions until someone else articulated those words for me.
When our eight-year-old came home from his forty-eight days in the hospital, he was his old self in many ways, but also different in several. Unlike before, he seems to mention the grandfathers that have already passed away much more often than he ever did before, with a simple sigh and the comment that he misses them. He seems to laugh with his whole soul these days, and relishes in every slice of humor that crosses his path.
He also struggles with Math in a way he never did before. A worksheet that might have taken ten or fifteen minutes three months ago can now take a solid forty-five, with a lot of coaching and assistance. He can still read the problems, and he still seems to understand most of the concepts, but his short term memory deficits make it difficult for him to hold a number in his head while considering how subtracting a second number from it will change it.
After a couple of visits to neuro-opthalmologist specialists, we came home armed with some ideas to try, some worksheets to copy and repeat, and, much to my surprise, a couple of sheets of black cardstock paper.
At the therapist’s recommendation, I used the cardstock to block out everything on Blake’s Math worksheet, except the one problem that he needed to focus on. It wasn’t a completely miraculous difference — he wasn’t back to finishing fifteen problems in five minutes, but there was a very discernible difference in how he faced the challenge of Math. And his speed and accuracy absolutely improved.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. {Matt. 6:34}
Today, as I adjusted the margins and helped him, I realized how much sense it all made:
He just needed to focus on one problem at a time.
In life, I tend to get ridiculously overwhelmed by decisions. I don’t want to make wrong decisions. I want to do the things that are at the forefront of my own heart, but I also fear how my choices will impact the people around me for better or worse.
In the book, Let Me Be a Woman, Elisabeth Elliot wrote to her daughter about the challenges of the days when she had an infant on her hip, she was newly widowed and she had a jungle mission station to run. She spoke of feeling overwhelmed and said:
“Well, I’ve felt that way a good many times in my life, and I go back over and over again to an old Saxon legend, which I’m told is carved in an old English parson somewhere by the sea. I don’t know where this is. But this is a poem which was written about that legend. […]
“Do it immediately, do it with prayer, do it reliantly, casting all care. Do it with reverence, tracing His hand who placed it before thee with earnest command. Stayed on omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing, leave all resultings, do the next thing.”
I held onto those verses for quite some time. What a gift it is to be reminded that we don’t have to have all the answers! We don’t have to have an answer for every question on our Math worksheet. We don’t have to have an answer for every question regarding our future. What choice will we make when it comes time to decide about this thing or that? Perhaps the best thing we can do is live right here, right now, and do the thing right in front of us that it the next right thing to do.
I came across that poem again, just last week, reading a wonderful book called The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman. She shared it in its entirety, and I was so blessed to read the whole poem — I didn’t know there was more! So struck by it, I felt I should probably be framing it and placing it on a wall in my home. Now you know what to get me for Christmas. Here’s the beautiful full version: {Often listed online as “Author Unknown,” Emily attributes it to Mrs. George A. Paull.}
From an old English parsonage down by the sea There came in the twilight a message to me; Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven, Hath, it seems to me, teaching from heaven; And through the hours the quiet words ring Like a low inspiration: “Do the next thing.”
Many a questioning, many a fear, Many a doubt, hath its quieting here. Moment by moment, let down from heaven, Time, opportunity, and guidance are given. Fear not tomorrows, child of the King; Trust them with Jesus: Do the next thing.
Oh! He would have thee daily more free, Knowing the might of thy royal degree, Ever in waiting, glad for His call, Tranquil in chastening, trusting through all. Comings and goings no turmoil need bring; His, all the future: do the next thing.
Do it immediately, do it with prayer; Do it reliantly, casting all care; Do it with reverence, tracing His hand Who hath placed it before thee with earnest command. Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ’neath His wing, Leave all results, do the next thing.
Looking to Jesus, ever serener, Working or suffering, be thy demeanor! In the shade of His presence, the rest of His calm, The light of His countenance live out thy psalm; Strong in His faithfulness, praise Him and sing. Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.
–By Mrs. George A. Paull
I hope you’ll read those words through a few times today, friend. Maybe come back to them when life starts to loom large in front of you and you feel daunted. Be encouraged that you do not need to know it all or have it all figured out to move forward. You and I can learn something from Blake, taking the Math work one problem at a time.
Strong in His faithfulness, praise Him and sing. Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.
Blake continues to improve and to thrive at home and at therapy! His left side keeps gaining strength: he snapped the fingers on his left hand yesterday and was very proud. (I can’t even do that!) His physical therapist also observed, crazy enough, his left foot had a better range of motion than his right last week. Perhaps all the prayers are making his left side his strong side! He has the balance to ride a scooter (while his Mama watches nervously) and the strength to come home from a few hours of therapy and still walk the neighborhood.
He is also doing better with regard to his memory — recent events and answers to questions are coming to him more quickly and easily. This is helping him ‘slot in’ in playing with his sisters and brother more and more. At first, it seemed like he felt a bit lost and struggled to join in their play, but now he is running around the house or crowding around the coffee table with the rest of the musketeers. What a precious sight for Mark and me!
Blake’s eyesight is something we continue to ask for prayer for. With helpful cues, he is finding his way to the left side of a page or the left side of a room, but he will tend to eat the food on the right side of his plate first, color the right side of a picture first (and maybe stop before the left is fully done) and so on. There is a definite difference there.
Thank you again so much for your care and concern and for lifting Blake up in prayer. He is absolutely doing miraculously well and we pray the improvements will continue. Please join us in praying his AVM will disappear, his eyesight and memory will be fully restored, and he will grow up to be the man of character and integrity he was created to be! Thank you for joining us in giving thanks for all the Lord has done! Hallelujah!!
Psst. Some posts on my site contain affiliate links. When you click on those links to make purchases, I receive compensation at no extra cost to you. I love it when you do that! Thank you for supporting With Love!
A slender bud, no bigger than my pinky finger lay on the floor in the dining room. I’d never noticed before how the petals made a perfect spiral, swirling upward toward a sharp point, but when I stooped to pick it up and ask a child to join me in marveling, it really was a marvelous specimen to behold.
In preparation for frost, we hauled a number of plants indoors. Ones we managed to keep alive through the summer that have a fighting chance of surviving to stretch their limbs in the great outdoors again next spring. They crowded the dining room and observed our meals for days on end, until we finally planned their new situations around the house, where they can enjoy the winter in a temperate climate.
As the Hero Hubs lifted a giant pot to transfer it to the living room, I scurried ahead with the base for it to sit on. When I returned to sweep the leaves that had fallen, that bud caught my eye.
The lovely pink mandevilla it fell from is still happily blooming indoors, the bright pink flowers lend a strangely tropical contrast to the Christmas decor making its way down from the attic. But that slender little bud had a chance at blooming, too, if only it had managed to stay connected instead of dropping off — if only it had managed to abide in the vine.
“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”
{John 15:1-5}
As I spread my palm wide to allow the little girl nearby to admire it, I thought about how I hope she will abide in the vine, and blossom into the person she was created to be.
And what a struggle I have these days, when I am tired and don’t want to rise early and find my way to the Word, find my way to the Vine! How I get flustered instead of finding peace! How I worry instead of learning to hope and wait!
The hustle-bustle fast pace of the holiday season quickly approaches. With it, I’d love to make a simple suggestion that might help you find the peace and the joy that giving thanks and celebrating the Saviour ought to bring.
Set aside the time to stay connected to the vine. Set that alarm clock just fifteen minutes earlier. Or turn that screen off just twenty minutes sooner. Find your way to the vine. Find your way to the source of life and hope, peace and joy.
You can bloom in this season. You can be a blessing, you can be a gift, you can bring life and beauty and joy to the world around you. You will best fulfill your potential and live your fullest into each day if you allow the good life that comes from the One True Vine to flow into you. Often.
Drop off the plant and you’ll dry up. Stay connected to the Vine, and you’ll truly come to life.
I cannot help but smile as I reflect on the joy that it was to gather and celebrate this weekend! Some 120+ folks gathered together with us, simply to worship and give thanks and Raise a Hallelujah to the God Who has delivered, does deliver and will deliver our sweet Blake! We sang songs that had so much meaning for us — ones that we sang over our precious boy when he was still in a coma and we had no idea what the outcome would be. How sweet it is to have something you declared by faith become a reality, like the words, “You take what the enemy meant for evil, and You turn it for good.” Hallelujah! That is what our God does and has done!
Blake thoroughly enjoyed the celebration, as did all our children. My dear friend Kat and several wonderful helpers put on an incredible mini-carnival that was above and beyond what I’d hoped for and made it such a lively and fun CELEBRATION in every way.
Last week Blake had two neuro-opthalmology appointments, and while the first was more discouraging, the second was much more encouraging. Doctors initially observed that Blake was not seeing anything in his left field of vision. (If you can imagine putting tape down the left half of each lens on a pair of eyeglasses, that is about what his view is like. But, his brain has a way of stitching things together, which means he is not really aware that he is not seeing the whole picture.) Wednesday’s doctor’s appointment concluded that there was structural damage and that the vision loss was “not likely to regenerate” (meaning permanent.) However, at Friday’s appointment, different tests were run which indicated that Blake’s left eye is seeing the whole picture, but right now his brain is “neglecting” that information. This is WONDERFUL news.
If Blake’s brain regains an awareness of that information, with the right view from the right eye and the full view from the left eye, he will basically have a full field of vision again. We are praying that that will be the case, and even more, that his eyes will both heal and he will have 100% complete vision again. We would be so grateful if you would join us in praying for Blake’s vision, the disappearance of his AVM, and the restoration of his short term memory. God has answered so many prayers for us, and as Mark declared at the celebration Saturday evening, “This was a miracle and I believe God is not finished yet.”
We look forward to continuing to share Blake’s story with you. Thank you for your prayers and for joining us in Raising Hallelujahs to our good, good Father!
***
Did you miss this post? I shared a list of my family’s favorite children’s books for this year! If you’re hoping to put a good book or two into a Christmas stocking, click herefor some inspiration!
Squnching together with my kiddos curled up with a book? I feel like there is no better use of my time than that. We have connected and laughed and cried (yes, I’m mostly the one crying) and learned so much just by sharing great books with great stories. While Blake was in the hospital, sitting beside him on the hospital bed to read a book, or reading with the other three kids on the couch at home made life feel normal again, if even for a moment.
I decided to try to make some mental (and on paper) notes this year to share some of our family’s favorite stories in hopes that they can bless yours in the year to come. At Christmas, we often try to give our children “something they want, something they need, something to play with and something to read.” And we usually try to make the thing they want the thing they play with, too… 😉 If a good book or two is something you’d like to put under the tree this year, I’ve done my best to organize some favorites below!
The Ones We Laughed At…
Du Iz Tak? by Carson Ellis features insects speaking a made-up language and building a fort in a flower. It is a very simple story but there are tiny little things of interest on each page, like stories within the story. We see something new every time we read it… and we apparently cannot stop checking it out from the library!
Creepy Pair of Underwear by Aaron Reynolds (and Peter Brown the illustrator is a favorite!) is just so so adorable. Jasper Rabbit is a big bunny and shouldn’t be afraid of his underwear… but he is! This is a sort of sequel to Creepy Carrots, which is equally delightful and hilarious, and Blake’s favorite book.
Runny Babbit and Runny Babbit Returns by Shel Silverstein (posthumously published). Every bit as magical as his classics Where The Sidewalk Ends and a Light in the Attic, but twice as funny, these collections of poems will introduce you to Runny Babbit and his Funny Bamily, Toe Jurtle, Ploppy Sig, and Even a Dire-breathing Fragon that might fart your stire for you. Yes… the language is totally mixed up and my kids totally love it, and then ask me to read the poem over again “In English!” I read these books to Blake in the hospital not knowing if he’d wake up and remember anything — but gosh they made me sit and laugh even in those dire circumstances. What a gift laughter is!
My Teacher is a Monster (No, I am Not!) by Peter Brown. This is another book that is engaging and good fun, with illustrations that make you notice something new each time. Give the teacher a posh British accent to bump this one up a notch at read-aloud time. {I also love Brown’s Mr. Tiger Goes Wild!}
Read the Book, Lemmings! by Ame Dyckman: These little lemmings are adorably funny and you will laugh at this amusing story with engaging illustrations — another one I don’t mind reading again!
The Pictures, the Text, the Children’s Book Magic
Goldfish on Vacation by Sally Lloyd-Jones (illus. Leo Espinosa). I might have a special affinity for this book because I saw an interview of Sally Lloyd-Jones and loved her thoughts on this based-on-a-true story picture book. Sweet, lovely and engaging.
Tabby McTat, the Musical Cat by Julia Donaldson (illus. Axel Sheffler) This one has been out for a bit. The rhyming never misses a beat, it is such a charming and adorable story, and the illustrations are the kind that you can look at for ages. (And if you’ve ever been to Edinburgh, you might feel as if you’ve been whisked back for a visit!) Donaldson and Sheffler are the team behind some of our all-time favorite books like The Gruffalo and The Scarecrow’s Wedding. So fun, so charming, so good!!
Finding Winnie: The True Story of the World’s Most Famous Bear by Lindsay Mattick (illus. Sophie Blackall). Every once in a while, you come across a story that is so fantastically unique and special, you’re sure it just has to be true. This is one of those too-good-to-not-be-true stories. It weaves together family history and the story of a REAL bear cub who made her way across the Atlantic along with Canadian troops during World War I. The origin of Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin… and so much more, tied together in this remarkable story. We LOVE it! {Caldecott Medal Winner}
The Ones That Really Meant Something… (Yes, I Cried.)
Between Us and Abuela: A Family Story From the Border by Mitali Perkins: You might find you have different thoughts about issues like immigration when you view the issues through the eyes of your children. If you’re hoping to spark some deep conversations, about the world outside your neighborhood, what a great starter this will be. {If you specifically want to discuss immigration with your children, Lubna and Pebble is another deep, beautiful meaningful immigration story. Yes, I cried at both.}
Miss Rumphius by Barbara Cooney : This one is a classic that has so much to communicate to a new generation. It might challenge your children (and you) to think about what simple things they could do to create more beauty in the world around them. Conversation opportunity: What does it mean to leave a legacy?
Otis and the Kittens by Loren Long : Our tenderhearted Blake adores Otis. Otis, Otis and the Puppy, and Otis and the Tornado, are all simple stories that hold deeper layers of truth. They engage ideas about empathy, fear, welcoming ‘the other,’ and courage… and Otis and the Kittens far and above has a theme of bravery and self-sacrifice, with illustrations that truly made me teary-eyed, even at a child’s picture book. Can books teach care, compassion and empathy? Yes. Especially books like this one.
Fiona’s Lace by Patricia Polacco: MANY of Patricia Polacco’s books bring tears to my eyes, but this one perhaps the most. It’s a beautiful story of hardship and overcoming and an illustration of how no matter what your family may face, when you face it together, you’re “home.” Polacco’s text is much more lengthy than a typical picture book, so I don’t recommend her books to very young readers.
Chapter Books To Read Aloud
While picture books are my happy place, Mark is kind enough to be the regular reader during our evening story time, where we often have kids doodling on blank sheets of paper and listening to a story. We typically reserve chapter books for special bedtime stories.
The Mercy Watson Series by Kate DiCamillo, illus. by Chris Van Dusen :: Oh, how we love the Porcine Wonder that is Mercy Watson!!! These books are early reader chapter books that can be finished in one sitting or broken up into two of three, but they are hilariously funny with absolutely fantastic illustrations and we laugh and laugh at these books. I do my best to give each character a unique voice, but there are so many good and interesting ones often interacting with one another, it’s a bit of a workout. I truly LOVE these books!
Tales from Deckawoo Drive (also Kate DiCamillo/Chris Van Dusen) This spinoff of the Mercy Watson series has longer books and “fuller” chapters, but is still laugh-out-loud-funny with the clever and witty writing and hilarious illustrations that complement the stories so well. You might discover you sat down to read a couple of chapters with a kiddo, an hour has passed and you’ve finished the whole book! So far we’ve enjoyed Where Are You Going, Baby Lincoln? but I’m hoping more of these books will find their way under our Christmas tree.
Most Requested: Stories of Faith
Last, but not least! I so often get asked for recommendations about sharing your faith with your children, and I think books are so powerful in this regard. They do not have to be children’s Bibles to communicate Biblical truth. (Hello, Narnia!) I love to remind friends (and myself) about that thought — so many books (like Otis and Goldfish on Vacation) have a person who makes a big (or small) sacrifice or shows up and changes things for the better. Remember to be on the lookout for any theme that can help you think about goodness, beauty and truth. But here are some ‘overtly’ faith-based books that I think will be a gift to your family.
Unwrapping the Greatest Gift (Ann Voskamp) Yes, I share about this book every year. It has become so central to the Christmas experience for our family, and I’m always excited when December 1st arrives and we start reading this together and coloring the corresponding ornaments which you can print from Ann’s website! This will be our fifth year enjoying this Christmas devotional. {I’ve reviewed this book and shared more details about it here.}
Love Letters from God (Glenys Nellist) Arabella was just given this book for her birthday and I already adore it! It contains a selection of Bible stories told in new and different ways. Along with each story, there is a corresponding verse of encouragement and a fold-open love letter from God. You can write your child’s name so that the letter reads “Dear Arabella…” Each of those letters relates to some aspect of the story and brings a new perspective to God’s love for His children. It’s a beautifully done, lovely book and would be a very special gift!
Tiny Bear’s Bible (Sally Lloyd-Jones) This sweet and simple little Bible is for the youngest of readers. It has a sweet, teeny little collection of Bible stories told in the form of poems. A great jumping off point for beginning to share God’s love with little ones.
The Jesus Storybook Bible (also Sally Lloyd-Jones, illus. by Jago) When Sally Lloyd-Jones set out to write a Bible for children, she had no idea what an impact it would also have for adults around the world. She retells Bible stories in ways that help us think about things we may not have considered before. Every story really does help connect the threads of God’s love, and that from the beginning, the plan was always our rescue. The plan was always Jesus.
There are so many more favorites I’m sure I’ll slap my palm against my forehead that I forgot to mention them here, but I hope this list gives you some great ideas and introduces at least a few books this might be a blessing to your family! When those forgotten books do pop to the surface, I plan to share them on Facebook, right here. So if you have any questions about any of the books I’ve mentioned that you might like to ask before you buy them, please don’t hesitate to comment on Facebook and ask away!
I pray this Christmas season will be full of God’s goodness, that His Presence will trump all the presents… and that it will be a time to for your family to remember: The Plan was always Jesus.
xCC
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Psst! Some posts on my site contain affiliate links. Like this one. When you click on those links to make purchases, I receive compensation at no extra cost to you. I love it when you do that! Thank you for supporting With Love!
I create resources to help people find deeper, more meaningful relationships with God through pursuing, pondering, and prayer. The "Shop" link above will take you to the home of many of the lovely resources I’ve created to help you keep walking one day deeper with Jesus.
I create resources to help people find deeper, more meaningful relationships with God through pursuing, pondering, and prayer. The "Shop" link above will take you to the home of many of the lovely resources I’ve created to help you keep walking one day deeper with Jesus.